Fears

I am beginning to get increasingly frightened about the future. The prospect of this year ending is just so scary. I have no idea what lies ahead. What is even worse is the fact that I have always been excited about the unknown. But for a change, I am scared sick. More so, I enjoy these lazy days and weeks here. My time in London has been a breath of fresh air...a wonderful departure from the anxious, tense and tough days in Bombay. Be it the people I've met and grown fond of or just the spirit of the city itself or living life on my own terms...I suppose I am going to miss it. Okay, I don't 'suppose'..I am definitely going to miss it. The idea that it is soon going to be all over is something I have to come to terms with. For that acceptance to come about, I will need to push myself considerably. I did not think it would be this hard for me, especially because I always knew this was practically a 10 month course.

I am starting to think my recent bouts of tears have something to do with this unsettling feeling. I cannot get it out of my head that there are just 4 months to go. I always knew this would end but what about it is so hard for me to accept? I have always been able to detach from things, people etc and snap right back to another life, another place, another world. The idea of heading back to Bombay..that awful atmosphere...those everyday battles...the harsh realities...well, it is horribly unnerving. But I do know I have to orient myself towards it, work within my own crazy mind to develop a new frame of reference. I am not sure what lies ahead. But I will hope that it is positive...or at least, not completely negative! For one thing I've learned here is to keep an open mind, not think excessively or ruminate pointlessly and most importantly, just 'be'.