the idea of me

no i will not make excuses for my behaviour towards you.i do not care if its justified or not. because i dont have to justify myself to you or anyone else. i shall not be held accountable for all that goes wrong in your life.it is essential for me to exist as a separate entity, in an unquestioning, accepting atmosphere. it is important for those elusive shreds of peace i crave.you bring out the worst in me. i amaze myself at my capacity to hurt you.i need to be distinct from you or else i fear i will lose the essence of me.yes, you care, maybe you idolize me, worship the idea of me...but that is not who i am. i am not that person you want me to be. i wish you could grab those few remaining bits of self-respect and walk away.you do not want to be affected by my destructiveness.i guess you have already borne the brunt.but i have too.there is a reason for this behaviour, but not one that i shall ever offer to you as an explanation.try to back-track and come to your own conclusions.do attempt to conceive of a life without me.it would be fundamental to your well being and mine.i am sorry, not apologetic, but sorry nonethless...dont know if that makes sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. i am meant to fight my own battles.i dont need you or anyone else.if only you could understand and accept...and not be captured by the unreal idea of me.