Extremes

I wonder sometimes if I am blessed or cursed, for everything important to me, functions in extremes. Either there is love to an extent I cannot bear or to a strange degree where I am left longing for something more that I know can never be. It comes upon me in awfully contorted ways, where some days make me feel nothing short of bliss and others bring waves of self-doubt and hopelessness. There are either people who profess they would do anything for you (and actually test that theory, with often disastrous results), while others operate in circles, professing nothing, but meaning everything. Yet when the disappointment hits, it brings with it, a host of irreconcilable feelings. Consequently, I find myself behaving like a classic bipolar disorder case. A lost cause, at that.

I sound confused even to my own ears, yet I am perfectly clear in what I am trying to say. Therein lies the extremity in my own personality. It isnt a wonder then that the people around me fall into one of these two categories. I think there wont ever be that steady balance I am searching for. Or maybe I am just content to let myself be miserable, one way or another. Perhaps I am conditioned to look for flaws that define a variety of "perfection" in my eyes. It is that ideal I am drawn to...whether it lets me down time and time again...brings me utter joy or total despair, is immaterial.